The news page is now officially BACK. No longer is the computer foxed by pesky American date formats.

report to follow

Match report to follow.

Villagers

With MCC taking on Durham today to kick off the 2009 first class season you must have been wondering when our season starts and when you'll start getting spammed from your favorite cricket club again. Well wonder no more, it's next bloody weekend, and now!

First match of the season sees VCC heading to Crouch End in a re-enactment of 2007s opener against Pimlico Strollers. Will DI again take a wicket with the first ball? Will Bomb crack one out onto the WAGs for another ton? Will Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall break another finger avoiding the ball in the field? The answers to these and other questions will be played out for all to see next Sunday.

Meet at 1.30pm (thats 10am for you DI)  for a 2pm start.

Email me back and let me know if you can play.

Herr Hanson is putting the call out for subs now too. As you'll appreciate the start of a new season sees us having to outlay quite a bit of cash as we pay for pitches, match balls and insurance. Can everyone please send in their payment of £10 for subs now, and for regulars we ask that you also pay for a few matches in advance - say £30. Bank details are available on demand for those who need them. Also, if you have not yet paid for your pre-season net sesisons then do so now as the bank balance is looking about as healthy as RBS.

Victus Honor
KP

Strauss, A:

People say it was his stupid captaincy that meant we didn't win either of the Tests we should have done. I say: unlikely. The man's clearly very intelligent. Just look at his face:

Look Mummy, I got a stump. 1/10

Cook, A:

Proved the doubters wrong about the fact that he's unable to kick on towards big scores by scoring lots of 50s and then getting out.2/10

Shah, O:

The answer to England's number 3 question, if the question was "Who might be even worse at number 3 than Ian Bell?" 0/10

Pietersen, K:

Got behind the new captain, endeared himself to his team mates with every interview, and above all proved that there's no bigger cock in world cricket. Missed his wife on tour so much he signed up for the IPL. A bona fide great guy. 1/10

Prior, M

Provided the unexpected highlight of the winter. 

In your face, Matthew. Almost earns him a point, but doesn't. Good keeper though, apart from when he has to stop the ball. 0/10

Sidebottom, R:

Again, very close to earning a point for one incident when I was watching him bowl. Shouted at someone on the boundary for not throwing the ball in just so, then let one through his legs in the next over. What a hero: I think any Villager can respect that. 0/10

That it, you've found them, here they are.

Bell, I

Needs a 'warm and supportive atmosphere' apparently. And I think I've found just the thing.

0/10

Anderson, J

Bowled at a good pace, bowled more accurately than ever before, swung the ball both ways, the only thing he failed to do was take any wickets. So essentially:

Hooray! 0/10

Bopara, R:

Definitely the next big thing in terms of disappointing batsmen. 1/10

Flintoff, A:

Previous John Terry comparisons wide of the mark: he's more like the cricket version of Steven Gerrard. A massive performer at domestic level for whom it's hard to find the right place in the team and so delivers sporadically great performances in between lots of poor ones . And a bit of a cock. 2/10

Swann, G:

You know in Village games where there's a batsman on 50 off 15 balls so you put someone shit on and send everyone to the boundary in the hope the guy will spoon it up in the air? Well watching him bowl is more depressing than that. 3/10

Broad, S:

I'll never forget the time that Glenn McGrath threw a massive hissy fit midway through a tour of the subcontinent by talking to the press about how flat the pitches were and how it was all pointless and how the food left a lot to be desired and...oh, my mistake, he was too busy taking wickets by being accurate and having guile. I love the way he has a pained expression on his face when he bowls a standard length and line in a 2020 and gets tooled for six. It's JUST NOT FAIR. Definitely the next big thing in terms of disappointing all rounders/complete bell ends. 1/10

Harmison, S:

Can't even be bothered, which is something else we have in common apart from not being able to take wickets at Test level. You have to say he was doing his best to never play again, which is pretty damn selfless if you ask me. 8/10

Bell, I

Needs a 'warm and supportive atmosphere' apparently. This covers both bases:

0/10

Anderson, J

Bowled at a good pace, bowled more accurately than ever before, swung the ball both ways, the only thing he failed to do was take any wickets. So essentially:

Hooray! 0/10

Bopara, R:

Definitely the next big thing in terms of disappointing batsmen. 1/10

Flintoff, A:

Previous John Terry comparisons wide of the mark: he's more like the cricket version of Steven Gerrard. A massive performer at domestic level for whom it's hard to find the right place in the team and so delivers sporadically great performances in between lots of poor ones . And a bit of a twat. 2/10

Swann, G:

You know in Village games where there's a batsman on 50 off 15 balls so you put someone shit on and send everyone to the boundary in the hope the guy will spoon it up in the air? Well watching him bowl is more depressing than that. 3/10

Broad, S:

I'll never forget the time that Glenn McGrath threw a massive hissy fit midway through a tour of the subcontinent by talking to the press about how flat the pitches were and how it was all pointless and how the food left a lot to be desired and...oh, my mistake, he was too busy taking wickets by being accurate and having guile. I love the way he has a pained expression on his face when he bowls a standard length and line in a 2020 and gets tooled for six. It's JUST NOT FAIR. Definitely the next big thing in terms of disappointing all rounders/complete bell ends. 1/10

Harmison, S:

Can't even be bothered, which is something else we have in common apart from not being able to take wickets at Test level. You do have to say he was doing his best to never play again, which is pretty damn selfless if you ask me. 8/10

Villagers defied the economic downturn this quarter to the delight of club tresurer Hanson. Sales through VCC Online's affiliation with Amazon were said to be "strong" and the club declared itself to be on a firm finacial footing despite the recent economic troubles and Allen Stanford's descision to review his financial committment to the game.

Rumours that the Village would be seeking emergency funding from HMGov were strongly denied by club officials though rumours that well known clairvoyant Robert Peston is soon to blog on the matter have sent jitters through the cricket comunity.